The EFF’S delusions of grandeur know no bounds

As a very small amount of dust finally settles over Monday’s shenanigans, I would humbly and somewhat cautiously submit the unpopular opinion that the EFF’S alleged shutdown was, in fact, a dazzling success.

I know that this might sound like silly contrarianism. Like you, I’ve read the news reports and think pieces about how few people turned up. Like you, I’ve seen the footage of the pitifully tiny group of EFF protesters in Cape Town. Like you, I’ve marvelled at the chutzpah of Julius Malema in describing his special day as “the most successful shutdown ever in the history of struggle in SA”, while living among millions of South Africans who actually participated in the 1976 uprising and subsequent mass demonstrations in the 1980s.

Yes, we’ve seen and read it all, and formed our opinion accordingly. But the thing is, Monday wasn’t for us.

It wasn’t for President Cyril Ramaphosa, or the minister of electricity, or Eskom, or journalists or middle-class critics sniping from their laptops.

The EFF framed it as a protest against the ANC, but it was always designed primarily to be the exact opposite: an affirmation and celebration of itself; part election rally, part cult rite. Monday was of the EFF, by the EFF, and above all, for the EFF.

Of course, there were a couple of real-world successes. The party showed that it can protest peacefully. It got the bourgeoisie arguing about the ANC government’s response, with some saying the vast rollout of security was essential while others said it proof of how much the state can do but refuses to do.

There were also some very visible real-world inconsistencies on display, as is always the case when faith-based organisations try to act out their dogmas. It’s how, for example, Malema

could march literally hand in hand with Carl Niehaus and Mzwanele Manyi, the most passionate acolytes of a man Malema made a career out of denouncing.

For the rest, however, Monday’s shutdown mostly happened inside the hearts and minds of the EFF faithful, which meant it was one of their best days ever. And if anyone has had a moment of doubt, perhaps being tempted to believe their eyes and ears, senior EFF clerics have been working tirelessly to reassure them.

This week, the Twitter stream of Mbuyiseni Ndlozi, PHD, has been a deluge of shutdown hoopla interspersed with Russian propagandas. (Aside: I was fascinated to learn that a Natobuilt army that was dispatched to Ukraine has already been wiped out by the glorious Russian army, which suggests that Russia’s failure to roll west is clearly an act of supreme mercy.) In all that noise it would have been easy to miss two relatively subdued tweets, but both offered a fascinating glimpse into the reality the EFF inhabits.

The first was a reposted tweet from Floyd Shivambu exclaiming: “The EFF represents the majority of people in South Africa!”

Now, this is a pretty easily verifiable claim, mainly because humans have invented a way to measure political support without using magic or divination. This invention is called “an election”, and the last time we had one, the very non-magical results showed that the EFF represents 5% of eligible voters.

For two of the EFF’S most senior leaders to publicly claim that 5% is 51% is proof of one of three things: either their grasp of basic arithmetic is at a grade 1 level, or they don’t acknowledge the existence of democratic elections, or they were straight-up lying. We know it’s not the first option: they would both need to be able to count to at least 200,000 to understand their monthly salaries. I’m also not sure why people who don’t believe in elections would form a party. So I suppose that leaves only one option.

The second tweet was far sillier but no less telling, as Ndlozi posted a short clip of the Cape Town CBD, showing two empty busses and taxis, and one full bus, alongside the claim that “all buses and taxis in PTA CBD have no people inside — empty!”

Within seconds, people were correcting his very obvious mistake.

And yet the tweet is still up, days later, without apology or retraction, and has been viewed over 1.1 million times.

So why hasn’t Ndlozi deleted what is at best disinformation and at worst a barefaced lie?

Simple. It’s not a lie. At least, not to the people he was tweeting for. For those people, who believe Malema’s claim that Monday’s turnout dwarfed 1976, or who believe that Ndlozi is an intellectual, a lie is only a lie if it upsets you or challenges dogma. If it comes from a leader and affirms the faith, then it is eternally and unshakeably true. If Shivambu says that 5% is 51%, and Ndlozi says that a full bus is empty and the Cape Town foreshore is in Pretoria, then they are.

Even better, when you believe that the masses are being “misled by white propaganda media” (according to a tweet shared by Ndlozi on Tuesday), then every news report questioning the success of the shutdown is a lie.

Yes, we can say what we like, but the EFF knows the truth: Monday was the biggest and most successful shutdown in history, spearheaded by the most popular party in South Africa, lovingly led by the greatest and most fearless revolutionary the world has ever known.